More of Me.
“What’s she talking about?” you might be asking.
Perhaps you’ve noticed I’ve been incognito the past few months. Many of you have sweetly reached out inquiring as to my where about. Much appreciated.
Today I’m here to tell you that I’ve been smack dab in the center of a serious health concern. A couple in fact.
One thing I’ve learned is that you can be certain that life is uncertain. Unpredictable. At any given moment we are greeted with great joy, faced with immense suffering, and met with neutrality. Often within seconds. Or three breaths.
Several years ago, while navigating my way through and around another of life’s obstacles, my teacher advised me that it would best serve my well-being to insulate. I understood immediately that insulating is not the same as isolating. Isolation can pull you further down the rabbit hole. While insulation is fortifying.
When my teacher suggested insulation it brought to mind what in Anusara yoga we call Muscular Energy. In this method of hatha yoga Muscular Energy is considered a universal principle of alignment. It’s both simple and complex. In the practice of asana Muscle Energy, or ME, is a physical action. However, it’s also an energetic action that settles the mental and emotional bodies.
ME is a conscious flow of energy that creates stability, strength and integration.
This conscious flow moves from your periphery to your core. Your skin to your muscle. Muscle to bone. It draws from your appendages towards your mid-line. From the core lines of your body to what in Anusara yoga is called the focal point. For now I’ll call it the pulsating center of your being.
It’s a hugging action. Affirmative. Harmonizing. Magnetic. Without ME the physical, mental and emotional bodies feel disconnected, hyper-mobile, dis-jointed, anxious, fearful, unconscious.
Muscle Energy is the ultimate action of self-love.
So, for the past few months, I’ve been scuba diving into the ocean of turbulence. Geared up. Insulated in my wet suit of Muscle Energy.
You and I, who are drawn to the healing transformative arts, such as yoga, are generally by nature kind, thoughtful, compassionate, caring, loving, responsible. These are gifts we give to the world.
For me as a teacher, mentor and coach I’ve been a really really ramped up student. Some of you in my heart-tribe call me Kick Ass. The Energizer Bunny. The Warrioress. Magic. I’ve never been accused of doing anything half-heartedly.
When I step into the class room and see the faces of my students, when I sit with a client, I fall in love. Each and every time. My heart expands exponentially. I can’t help but pour myself out with so much fervor.
Somehow through the years I’ve often forgotten how to self-recognize the signs of distress. It’s the shadow of the gift. Neither bad nor good. Just gut real.
As we entered this new year, on January 2, I hit the wall with a crazy crisis that brought me to my knees. Interesting no, that it also forced me to step away from teaching in order to re-claim my health.
Having the mat ripped out from under me – disconcerting. Stepping away from the seat of the teacher – heart-breaking. Fatigued and ill – the ultimate concealment/revealment teaching of Shiva played out on my pillow. My dreams. My journal. My cushion.
As strength and vitality slowly returns so do long quiet walks. Hiking in the Sonoran preserve surrounded by the steadiness of the mountains. The spaciousness of land and sky.
In time, with the practices, an excavation. A re-evaluation. A rediscovering of me. Karma, in the sense of cause and effect. I imagine on some level you can relate.
So, that’s where I’ve been. This is where I’m at. Where I’m going remains a bit of a mystery.
Like Shiva and Parvati I’m playing at the game of life. Attempting to get more skillful at it. Leveraging my strengths. Inviting in the shadows. Integrating them that I might feel empowered. See with renewed clarity. Live more radiantly.
Slowly, I’m returning to my work in the world. Infusing my offerings with what this maelstrom is teaching me. Acknowledging and accepting new fissures. Pieces and parts re-joined creating the most current puzzle of me.
For now, here’s where you might find me – on the mountain top. In the cave of my home. A few places around town, and the planet. Check out the events below.
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